Let the little children come....

I know I've blogged before about trying to remember that when you worry, you are not trusting God. It's an easier task said then done. I've been back at my parent's house for the last several days while Matthew is visiting his father and I have to say, I've done more worrying than God would prefer.


I've had time this week to spend with my nieces, nephews, siblings, and parents. And I've too much time spent away from my baby boy. Each moment that I've spent with nieces and nephews has been different. I've watched these children grow up and their personalities are so different and each has their own special way of pulling on a heart string.

Since I've been away from Matthew the last several days, I wonder what choices he is making while he's away from me. I've tried to instill good values and morals in his daily life but will he remember them when he is away from me? I've spoken to him every night and while he sounds like he's having a good time, I know that he will be happy to be back home with his Momma.

Sitting at my parents house, I've had time to look at how all these children are growing up and turning out. Each of them is different and each of them will continue to grow and follow different paths, just as we have as adults. I don't think a parent ever stops worrying about their children and thier choices. We all have different paths to follow and all we can do is hopefully instill in our children independence that they will follow the path that is best for them and that God ultimately wants. It's not easy letting go but I do find that on these trips where Matt is away visiting his father, while I worry each day what he's doing, is he eating, has he brushed his teeth, did he change his clothes, is he sleeping ok, I ultimately know that God is with him. God is right there beside him through his entire day while I am unable to be. While he may not remember to brush his teeth, or change his shirt, I know that he is safe and that I've tried my best to raise and independent young man.

The other day, I took Justin and Taryn to play a round of mini golf. It was fun to watch them put the golf ball down halfway down the course and then putt off. Then, each would take their turn hitting the ball until eventually it would fall into the hole. I swear, at some courses they must have taken 20+ hits to get that colored golf ball into the hole. But after each and every time that the ball dropped into the hole, they would look at me for praise. Of course Aunt Jen cheered and jumped up and down and gave out high fives. They had so much fun but I couldn't help but think while I was spending that time with them, what will they go through in life. They have already endured so much change and stress in their little 5 year old lives, what will happen as they get older?

And then, there's Jackson who none of us have met yet but is growing with God's love inside his Mommy.  Jackson will be a true blessing to this family in more ways then he'll ever know.  Since we lost Parker so early on in his little life, we are all so excited to welcome Jackson.  Jackson isn't even here and I'm already wondering what his life will be like.  Will he follow a spiritual path?  Will he live in the shadows of his older brother Parker who is no longer with us?  Will Jackson be the final piece of the puzzle that his parents are praying for?  I can only pray that God will continue to keep Jackson healthy and safe so that in October, we get to meet him.  It's in God's hands and while we may never know the reasons why Parker left us so early, we can enjoy the excitement that Jackson brings.  And we don't need to be afraid for Jesus loves the little children, and regardless of the outcome, Jackson will be loved and provided for.

Children are God's gifts to us.  It's our job to cherish, nurture, protect, guide, comfort, and love them.  As parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, or whatever we are, we need to take the time to nurture the positive in our children.  In this crazy society that is topsy turvy, it is our responsibility to ensure our children do not go without.  At the same time, it is also our responsibility to raise strong, HAPPY, independent children.  Do we sometimes fall short, yes, but it's what you do to pick up the pieces that makes your children stronger.  It's how you handle your shortcomings and your decisions in life that your children learn from.  I once heard someone say that children are sponges, they are constantly absorping their surroundings.  If this is true, I think that many adults need to take a good hard look at their lives. 

My prayer is that God will continue to bless the children.  I pray that Justin and Taryn continue to blossom and grow through God's love and will learn to follow his path.  I pray that Matthew be reminded of the values that have been instilled in him while he is away from me and that he comes home happy and healthy.  And lastly, I pray for Jackson, or as Aunt Jen is going to call him, JJ.  I pray for Jackson's continued growth and well being.  I pray for Krystal's safety and health to continue to nourish JJ with what he needs.  I pray that God will be with Krystal, Christopher, and Jackson through the next several months as they prepare for JJ's delivery and that everything will go flawlessly. 

 We are all in God's care.  He protects each of us with the shadow of his hand.  Just visualizing that is enough to bring anybody comfort.  Jesus loves the little children....what a blessing they are.

They grow up too fast...

From the moment your child is born, you know they will eventually grow up.  It's a learning process that all Mom's have to go through.  You want your baby to stay your baby but you also want to see your child flourish with independence and maturity.  It's a daily struggle for any Mom watching her child grow up.

In a few days, Matthew will be done with elementary school.  This is a frightening thought for many parents, especially Moms.  To know that in a few short months, my little man will be entering the scary doors of middle school, ugh, my heart is breaking.

I can't believe that I've watched this child turn into a young man.  I can't believe he's 11 (and a half according to him) years old.  Where has the time gone???  It feels like just yesterday he was learning to walk and talk and still holding my hand.  These days, he's too grown for hand holding.  However, I have to say, I do still occassionally, when no one else is around, do get the bear hug and an I love you Mom.  My heart just melts when I hear it.

I often wonder how my  parents went through these transitions with four children.  I'm sure by the time they watched the first of the clan growing up, they were prepared for the last few to finish up.  I'm almost 40 and I still find myself needing my parents.  Growing up, regardless of how old you are, is always a transition for both the child and the adult. 

Our Pastor at church told us once during a sermon that when you are worrying, you are not trusting in God.  He's right.  If I'm worrying, I'm not having Faith that God will protect Matthew.  I'm not having Faith that God will be with Matthew while I'm not.  I have to let go and let God do his work.  I don't want to be one of those Mom's that's overbearing, that's not me.  I am overprotective but he's my only baby, I don't have a reason not to be.  Matthew, as I've said many thousands of times before, is my gift from heaven.  I want only the best for him and I know his true potential.  Yeah, he can be goofy and immature but he's an 11 year old boy.  He's my boy.

I can't thank my husband enough for giving me the opportunity to be home with Matthew every day.  I wish deep down in my heart that I could have had this opportunity when he was younger but then I question myself if we would have it so good now in our relationship.  I think God has a plan and this is the way God wanted it.  This is the time in Matthew's life where it is really gonna count that I'm home.  I'm the last one to see him off in the morning and the first one to hear about his day in the afternoon.  How marvelous is that?  How truly blessed am I?

I know that Matthew will do great in middle school.  He's got a good head on his shoulders and God in his heart.  He stands up for what he believes in and can make friends with anybody.  I need to stop playing the what if game.  What if he doesn't make any friends?  What if he eats lunch alone?  What if he gets lost?  Give it up and give it to God.  God will be with him on his first day while I can't.  He won't ever eat lunch alone, God will be eating with him.  And if he gets lost, God will guide him.  Matthew has a wonderful heart.  He wants the best for everyone.  I've raised a sensitive, smart, good lookin' kid.  A kid that knows what it means to give it up to God and who knows that he's never alone, God is by his side. 

This summer I'm going to treasure every moment I have with Matthew.  I'm going to enjoy his maturing and preparing for middle school.  I'm going to be excited with him.  I'm not going to let him see me sweat because there's nothing to sweat over.  He's moving onward and upward.  He's so excited and I'm excited for him.  And on that first day of 6th grade, I'll give him a fist bump and an I love you and send him on his way...and I'll wait anxiously for him to tell me all about his first day.  And I already know that his first day is gonna be "totally awesome", as Matthew would say!!!