I can still remember everything about that winter morning when labor began. I can recall the exact moment I heard his first cry. It's like it was just yesterday and yet it's been 13 years. I don't know if I'm ready to be the Mom of a teenager. But then, is it the teen years that I'm scared of, or rather, the fact that I'm faced to own up to the truth that Matthew isn't my little baby boy anymore.
Am I the only Mother who is torn between excitement for their new teenage child and utter fear of the future? I'm having a hard time dealing with the reality that my son is becoming an independent young man. Gone are the days when I would walk into the room and his eyes would light up and he would run over to me, climb up in my lap, and wrap his arms around me. Gone are the days where his hand fit so perfectly within mine and gave him security. Gone are the days where only Mommy's kisses could cure a boo-boo. Instead, I'm welcoming days of more independence, of loud music, of less time together and more time with his friends. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. But it's not about me is it?
God gifted me Matthew at a time in my life when no other gift could have been so great. Matthew is the perfection that grew from a broken marriage. Matthew is God's perfect creation. Every hair on his head, God knows. There is nothing Matthew can't do, with God by his side. I want Matthew to grow up a responsible, independent, Christian young man. But to grow up, then I have to begin to let go. I have to be just as excited for this new chapter in Matthew's life as he is. I have to trust that God is walking with us as we begin to take steps in this new direction. I don't know what the future holds for Matthew but I do know that God will always be with him.
I know that every parent goes through these changes and every parent has to trust and have faith that we will all come out the other end alive and well. It's an adjustment for all of us. And whether I like it or not, I have to put aside my wants and live joyfully through Matthew's new journey.
Matthew, my son, the absolute sweetest boy in the world...I love you so much. From the moment I first held you, I knew that God had given me you for a reason. You have helped me to become strong, stronger than I ever thought I could be. You have taught me patience when I thought I had no more to give. You have shown me love like nothing I have ever experienced. Even when we've had our tough Mother and Son patches, I have admired your strength and independence. You have so much potential and can accomplish absolutely anything you put your mind to. I pray for you everyday and hope that you will always put God first in your life. Remember who you are, what you stand for, and who you represent. Don't ever say you can't do something because with God's help, you can. Don't ever give up because you are stronger than you think. On the day you were born, God entrusted me with you and I knew that one day you would no longer "need" me like you used to. You no longer need me to kiss your boo-boos, or to tuck you in, or to hold your hand when we cross the street. Son, I know you are growing up and with every new day, I see you in a new way. You are becoming a very strong and independent young man and I am very proud to be your Mother. May today be as exciting for you as you've always dreamed it would be. May today be the beginning of a new chapter in your life and may this chapter be filled with blessings from above. Always remember that I will always be your Mother and that I will ALWAYS be right here whenever you need to hold my hand, crawl up in my lap, or have me kiss a boo-boo. You are the most perfect thing I ever did in my life and I praise God that I was given you. I couldn't ask for a better son and on this your 13th Birthday, I wish you a Happy Birthday with all the love I have in my heart. I am so proud of you and I can't wait to continue on this journey of "teen years" together. Love-Mom
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