I can remember that cold Monday in January when I woke up early and headed into the hospital to be enduced. I can remember everything about that day. I remember everyone who was there with me. I remember the contractions. I remember the sounds. I remember the look in my parents eyes when they met their grandson for the first time. Most importantly, I remember the feeling that washed over me when I held Matthew for the first time. Becoming a mother always scared me but in that instant, I "felt" like a mom. I felt the importance of my role in his life.
I look back over the years as Matthew has grown and there are moments that I miss. I miss when I would walk into a room and his eyes would light up. I miss being able to buy the "cute" outfits at the store and everyone ooing and ahhing over how adorable he was. I miss how no boo-boo was healed until Mommy kissed it.
But replaced with those moments are new memories and new beginnings. My favorite Matthew isn't a little boy anymore, he's growing up and is becoming a young man. I'm excited to see all these changes but at the same time, my heart hurts. I miss the young toddler who would crawl up on the couch and cuddle under the security blanket with me.
The fact that Matthew is growing up was shockingly evident this morning. It breaks my heart but the time has come that Matthew has been told the truth about the tooth fairy. Last night, Matthew lost yet another tooth and of course, set it out for the tooth fairy. To his surprise this morning, the tooth was still there. You could just see the questioning in his eyes. In our defense, we should have had a conversation with him before bedtime but Chris and I didn't really think about it until after the fact. Truth of the matter is, the kids Matthew plays with all know that the tooth fairy, the easter bunny and santa are all make believe. Matthew, being a true kid at heart, still believes but has started questioning. Chris and I would much rather him hear the truth from us rather than friends. So first thing this morning, Chris went up to have his man-to-man talk with Matthew. I myself, was a chicken and stayed downstairs. I just couldn't bring myself to look the little guy in the eyes and know that part of his childhood was being shattered.
After what seemed like an eternity, Chris came downstairs and told me, "It's done". And with that, my heart sank.
Several moments later, Matthew appeared. He was quiet, and for those of you who know Matthew, he's never that quiet. I stepped up to my mom duties and gave him a hug and told him that my mom and dad did the same thing for me until I grew up and that he would do the same for his kids when it was time. And with that, the conversation was over and off he went to gather his thoughts on the subject.
It breaks my heart that he's growing up. But the fact that he handled this experience as well as he did, makes me see that he's growing into a wonderful young man. And that, well, that reminds me that there are still so many wonderful moments to be shared. Moments that only a mom would treasure. Gone are the days where his hand fits into mine but here are the days where a hug here and there means so much more. More because they aren't always asked for but they are always given...because I'm the mom.
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